From a Stay At Home Mom to a Working Mom and Back Again

When John was born I wasn't sure how long I would get to stay home with him but was hopeful to stay home as long as possible. I wanted to be the "ideal" stay at home wife and mother. That's not exactly how it happened. I was learning how to be a mother. We had just moved into a fixer upper. I was frustrated. Very frustrated. My husband was working extremely hard and trying to keep his grades up in his Masters program. Eventually due to financial needs I went back to work when my son was six months old. It was very hard. I wanted my son. I wanted him close to me. I was breastfeeding. I needed him and he needed me. I was lucky because we had worked out a schedule were my husband could stay home with him while I was at work and we would switch when I got home. I longed to hold him instead of the babies I was holding at work but, eventually it felt like those babies were mine too. John did fine when he was home with his dad and I got more comfortable with it. Some days were still very hard but we made it through them.

I am so excited that starting in November, I will be back to being a full time, stay at home mom with my little man. I prayed and prayed and prayed for this to happen. This time around I feel like I have a little bit more of an idea of what I'm doing. I'm going to try to keep a schedule. I'm going to take John to the park, go for walks and daily Mass too. I feel like I am so much more prepared this time around. It helps that John is older now and that doesn't want to nurse every time I start to work on something. It will all change when the baby comes. Hopefully because this one is my second I'll know what I'm doing more and feel like I can get more done.

I learned through my experience that working moms need just as much support as stay at home moms. It's hard for working moms to leave their children. It's hard for them to leave their children for eight hours a day with someone else and feel like they are missing out on so much of their child's life. They are jealous of their caretakers if they choose to admit it or not. It makes sense, THEY want to be the one taking care of them and playing with them and changing their poopy diapers. They need advice, they want to connect with other moms, they want to feel like they have worth too.

I've learned that stay at home moms want to feel respect for all the things that they do. They want society to realize that they are doing hard work. That raising children, cleaning the home ( 5 or more times a day after children constantly destroy it), running the household, and trying to keep up an attractive appearance is exhausting, honest, hard work that has you constantly on your toes 24 hours a day. Stay at home moms want to connect with other moms, they want to know that they are not the only one feeling lonely, tired, frustrated, and like they aren't doing a good enough job.

Having done both now, I can not judge. Each one has its benefits and it's downfalls. I am looking forward to staying home again and becoming more involved with the groups I was previously apart of before I had to go to work. I am so excited to get out and meet other moms and swap stories. I am even more excited to be able to snuggle my little man and watch him learn every day.

God Always Has A Bigger Plan

In my personal experience the good times have outnumbered bad. There are times in my life though that I have dwelled on the bad. Times that I have let the bad, troubling, hard times make me feel like there was no hope for that situation. I tend to be one who over anazlizes situations and words that have been spoken, reading way more into things than needs to be or just assuming certain thoughts, feelings, or ideas of the other person (typically negative towards me or situation).

What I have learned so far in my life though, is that there is good in everything. God has a plan for every situation that we are put into, every trial we face, every joyful moment. There is that saying that "when one door closes another opens", I've found that so very true.

I recently read about a family of missionaries ( 2 parents and 6 children) who were doing missionary work in Mexico. They were faced with a devastating loss. Their youngest, their 18 month old, died from from a drowning accident. Their testimonies about the beauty of their child's life and the beauty in their child's death is so heart wrenching and faith filled that it only gives me hope that someday I can have that much trust in God and in God's divine plan. Both the mother and father see the good that has come from their little boys life even in the midst of their grief.

Here is the father's eulogy: http://frommetomissionary.wordpress.com/2014/09/17/saint-ezekiel-kiehl-missionary-and-apostle-to-mexico/

Here is the mother's http://frommetomissionary.wordpress.com/2014/09/18/st-ezekiel-daniel-francisco-kiehl-vrazel-pray-for-us-by-teresa-kiehl/

I'll be honest, as a mother to an 18 month old myself and with a little one on the way, I bawled throughout both of them. To the point where I had to stop and walk away many times. Have some tissues handy!

Their story was just what I needed to remind me that God's hand is in everything we do, everything that happens to us, everything that happens around us, and everything that will come. Though I have never met this family or the little boy they've touched my heart and made me focus more on God and my faith. They've lead me closer to Jesus just through their story.


Today I am thankful for my babies but also for this family. I am thankful that I came across their story. I hope that their story opens your heart to the knowledge that God has a plan for each one of us and that the things that feel so wrong in our life are only leading to better things to come.

Little Saint Ezekiel - Pray for Us.

Have You Prayed Today?

One of the shirts my husband had made for his company simply asks the question, "Have you prayed today"? I'll be honest, some days I have to stop at the end of the day and think, "Did I"? Did I pray today?

Our prayer life is a journey that is constantly changing. I always liked the idea that praying is like picking up the phone and calling a friend, only that friend is God. When I think about it that way it makes it easier on me to accept the times I failed to pray. Our relationships with our friends seem to be very intense, often calling one another, and at other times, a few days go by, weeks, months, maybe years. If the person is a really good friend, it doesn't matter how much time has gone by because you can pick up the conversation right where it left off the last time you spoke. Speaking to God is the same. He is the super great friend that no matter how much time has gone by they genuinely want to know what's going on in your life, they want to hear from you, they want to know what they could do to help. He's that friend that always answers, no matter what time it is or how busy they are.

I have found that my prayer life is sometimes more like, little texts to God throughout the day. As a mom, it's easier that way for me. As soon as I walk out the front door for work, I say, "Good morning, Lord".

 As I'm changing diapers, I may pray for another child to go to sleep. On my way home, I may or may not exasperatedly pray for the driver in front of me to get off of their phone and use their blinker. (That may or may not have happened just today.) When I'm doing the dishes (my LEAST favorite chore), I put a prayer card on the window sill and say the prayer while I'm washing the dishes. Some days I have longer "phone" conversations with God but typically, I'm more of a text message kind of girl.

I like to think that some how my little "text" prayers make up a bigger prayer that was just said slowly throughout the day.




 How about you? Do you "text" pray or "phone call" pray?

"Momiform"

I have found that there is a HUGE difference between how I wore clothes before I was a mom and the clothes I now prefer to wear as a wife and a mother. I guess that it's possible because there is a very obvious (to me at least and of course my husband) 20 pound difference and the way I see myself.

In high school I was led to believe that showing off the feminine figure with was flattering.

I couldn't find a good picture of what I was describing but, you get the gist from this look.

 My early years of college I was led to believe that plus bought into the sloppy, Pj's as day clothes, just rolled out of bed look.



Mismatch PJ Day

In our culture we are led to believe the sexier the better for women. We're also told that wearing pjs in public is an acceptable clothing choice. It has become a free for all. It has become overly subjective. I find this less than liberating. I find it shackling. Shackling because it minimizes true beauty and intelligence. It takes away from others their ability to see me with dignity. People do judge on appearance. Our clothing choices tend to say a lot about how we view ourselves, our respect for others, and how we want to be treated.

I feel lazy in sweats. Yes, I realize that's silly because normal people work out in sweats. I'll be honest, when I put on sweats, ALL I can really think about is laying on the couch and sleeping. Now, when I put on a nice outfit and do my hair I feel like, I could run errands, clean the kitchen, and if someone came to the door, I would have no problem answering it.


I no longer see myself as someone with something to prove by my looks as I did in high school. I see myself as an example to set for my children, a lovely image for my husband to come home, and a woman with dignity who should be respected by myself and others.

I feel better when I dress nicely. I act differently when I dress nicely.

My good friend Sarah and I often send our "Momiform" outfits to each other as a sort of way of holding each other accountable. It is one of my favorite parts of my day.

I have even noticed that since I have made a distinct effort to look nice every day that my husband treats me differently. Not in a huge way but in little ways.


A "Momiform" day with my little man :)

Sarah's outfits are different than mine. I usually wear a skirt and a shirt and do my hair. I don't wear makeup but will try to accessorize a little bit here and there.

My challenge for you is to try just one day this week (if you don't already) to put yourself together. Does it make you feel different? Does anyone treat you differently?

Ramblings

Whoops! Time has flown by since I have written last. School and family life have taken over much of my time. I've been thinking about my blog (as little as it is) and thinking that I am in need of writing something. So, the rambling thoughts I've had lately.

#1. It's amazing how much one action can affect another person. I'm coming to realize that it really is the little things that matter. It is going out of our way to do something for another that is true charity. Small acts of charity are what show we are Christian. These small act of kindness are so easy ( or maybe not, depending on what you are doing). Who knows, maybe it will start a chain reaction and those people will feel called to also act with charity towards another person. We're all battling something that causes darkness in our lives, helping creating hope and light in another person may be the extra "umph" we need to embrace the light and let the darkness fade away.

 Some easy ones to do are:

•  Saying a prayer for the person in front of you at a stop light
• Holding the door open for the person behind you at the store
•  Smiling and responding to the greeter at Wal-Mart
• Keeping bottled water in your car and giving them out to the people you see begging on the sides of the road

2. John's first Birthday is rapidly approaching and I just can not believe that it has already almost  been a year. As I type this he is standing in his bed (on top of a toy), waving, and saying "mama". Holy Cow! So different than March of last year when I brought home this little bity baby boy in a car seat and thought to myself, "what do I do now"? ( I don't think I'm the only mother who has had the surreal moment when you realize, this little baby is mine, and I need to do all these things for them, and oh my gosh, where do I begin?) I haven't even started planning his birthday party. Whoops!

3. Can we make it a common courtesy to never ask a woman if she's pregnant unless she is most obviously pregnant. By that I mean, really she has a basketball sized bump and is waddling, and complaining about how she is craving strawberry ice cream with some dill pickles and a roasted bell pepper filled with fried mozzarella sticks pregnant.  As a woman who apparently is often mistaken for being pregnant when I'm not, I find it so rude. Before I was married I had the question posed to me a few times by random people with whom I didn't see on a regular basis nor did I know well enough to even call an acquaintance. I laughed it off and said "not a chance". As a married woman who now has been through a pregnancy I have been mistakenly asked if I was giving John a baby sister. Though I said, "I'm not expecting yet but maybe some day". I'm not sure the older woman fully understood that I'm not pregnant.  What I really wanted to say is "I'm actually just fat or haven't lost all of the baby weight from John yet whichever way you want to look at it."

4. John has begun to hold his breath and clench his fists when angry or frustrated. It's terrifying to look at but my husband also thinks it is a tad funny. I worry what this means his temper will be like in another year when we hit the terrible two's and he is wanting so much to assert his independence. Please, someone tell me this is just a stage!

Are You Building Your Husband Up?

Proverbs 21:9  "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife."  

 I think that lion would LOVE to be on the housetop right about now.

         
       Our husband should be treated with the utmost respect. We should not be nagging. We should be building them up to their true potential. You can not build someone up with negative comments. I believe in positive reinforcement. Praise will get you a lot further than complaint.  This is true not only with your husband but with anyone.

For example: You're walking out of the gas station and your husband holds the door open for you. You look them in the eyes and say, "Thank you!" with a smile. Chances are, he is going to hold the door open again. If you had said, "oh, I can get it" and don't smile or make eye contact chances are he won't try to do that again. That goes the same for anyone. When was the last time someone reacted negatively to you doing something? Did you want to that action again?

 

My husband showed me this. I think it is so funny!

Our husbands have pressure from society just like we do. Expectations that they might not meet, may make them feel like less than a man. We want them to come home and feel like the "Man of the house". We want them to know, we love them for the man that they are not what society says they should be. I think we as ladies expect our husbands to tell us we look beautiful, to maybe bring home flowers every once in awhile, to plan romantic/fun dates, or do sweet things for us but are we telling them how much we appreciate their hard work, how nice they look all dressed up for work, how much we appreciate when they help out around the house, or when they spend time with the kids while you get that project (or maybe a bubble bath) done sans children?

Today take a moment today and build your husband up!

Linking up with Living Proverbs 31.

10 Ways How Being A SAHM Has Changed Me

 

 

1.  Coffee no longer gets me through the day but prayer does. Staying home with your children and taking care of the house is no easy feat. Though rewarding it can also be frustrating. I've learned that a quick prayer of "God, please please please help me get through this". Usually gets me through what ever diaper explosion, full sink of dishes, nap refusing, teething, spit up all over a clean outfit and I'm already late, moment.

2. I've had to become creative with meals. I am not a veggie lover. I like some vegetables but...if given of the choice of carrot sticks or apple slices. I'll probably always choose the apple. My husband likes to garden so we have a lot of vegetables. I've had to find ways to cook these vegetables so that we both will eat them. I've begun making our own bread. Which is honestly really easy with a bread machine. I even made cinnamon raisin bread for quick breakfasts.

3. I've had to become more thrifty. Not only when it comes to baby items but also with groceries (see #2 lol), clothes for myself, and household items we may need. Garage sales, Goodwill, and other thrift stores have become my favorite stores! Never again will I shop at name brand stores!!

4. I like to clean. I'm sure my mother is thanking God right now. I never really enjoyed cleaning but now, I like it because, I like to have a clean home.

5. I am a light sleeper. I used to sleep through alarms and need multiple alarm clocks. Now that I have an been co-sleeping with my son, the softest noise from him will wake me up for a good 5 to 10 minuets.

6. I need a schedule. I like knowing what is going to happen next. I technically follow my sons schedule. He typically likes to get up, eat, sleep, play, ect. at about the same times every day. I love knowing, when I'll be able to shower, eat, hang out diapers, all of my other chores. It makes me feel less stressed about getting everything done.

7. I love reading other mother's blogs. I never desired to read other mother's thoughts on certain topics until I became one myself. Now I find peace of mind, humility, understanding, and a shoulder to cry on through the experiences of other moms.

8. My idea of luxury will never be the same.  I don't need the nicest car, the nicest house or a million dollars (Though don't get me wrong, the million dollars would be nice to live off of and give away) I just need my healthy happy family, some wine, chocolate, and a good movie.

9. Vacation...You mean taking a shower alone? That is my idea of a vacation.

10.  I appreciate my husband's hard work even more. Being at home with our child helps put things into perspective for me. My husband works hard to make enough money to make ends meet to keep a roof over our head, food on the table, gas in our cars, and pay our bills so that I can stay home. He never complains about all that he has to do for us. I know that he does all of these things out of love.

This post is linked to Top Ten Tuesday.